Saturday, July 30, 2016

The UnAmerican Turbulent Scientist is back :(

First, let me apologize directly and profusely to the internet, interwebs, world wide web, and series of tubes. I thought my wit and wisdom had banished the Turdulent Scientist (see what I did there?!?) years ago, but he has resurfaced like a floater at a kids pool party.

Even worse, his latest post is both mundane AND, dare I say, UNamerican! Read it here, if you can stomach it. Traitorous Scientist denies the utility, nay birthright, of the lush, green, well-cared-for American lawn. He claims they use too much water! You know what else uses too much water?  Animal agriculture:  one pound of beef requires ~2500 gallons of water to produce.  Who wants to bet Turby stuffs burgers in his trap every chance he gets? To quote a true American, what a bunch of malarky!

I, for one, have no fonder memories than playing catch with my dad in the backyard. Bare feet caressed by the soft, cool blades of freedom.  Sure, perhaps future generations of children could survive without such experiences. But, would such lives be worth living? Could such a generation truly be called AMERICAN?

One final thought - if Turdy McSucks hates yardwork so much, why doesn't he live in a condo or apartment or other abode without said yard? The mind boggles. But then, I suppose we should expect nothing less than the height of hypocrisy from someone who uses a science and policy blog to whine like a teen on their 2006 LiveJournal page.

1 comment:

  1. Mrs. Turbulent Scientist hates watering the lawn in the stupid desert, whether she's doing it herself or an HOA is doing it by proxy. If the Turbulent Scientists household did not have turbulent job prospects they would buy a house and either zero-scape the lawn or use it to grow food appropriate for the climate. Mrs. Turbulent Scientist was pretty fond of a mint plant growing out of a crack in the driveway until the land lady hired a guy to get rid of "weeds", and would totally eat the dandelion leaves in the yard if the Turbulent scientists' neighbors didn't douse their lawns in weed killer. Mrs. Turbulent Scientist might be a tree-hugger.